Total Drama Morgue
by sikeokilla
Summary: An all new season with all new cast of characters. Back to the origional Island that's been turned into a graveyard. Read as the "corpses" sleep in coffins inside mausoleums, dig around graves, and eat chef's "food". What could be better TV?
1. Premiere: Wawanakwa Acres Home of da ded

Premiere: Wawanakwa Acres Home for the deceased

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><p>The camera enters through a set of double doors and comes upon a boy standing in a shadowy corner wearing a black hoodie clenching a blood covered machete.<p>

"Good evening faithful veiwers.", says the blond boy whilst his hood slides down lower shadowing all but a grim smile. "Welcome back to the discreet funeral morgue. You know lately I've been rather bored lately, so to cure myself of the dreadful wood-like state I drew up a contract. I gave said contract to the producers of the Total Drama series...and they accepted."

*Calmly slides machete into suitcase along with various personal items.*

"So I am moving to the island to co-host. I'm also allowing a friend of a friend. A friend who will terrorise the new campers at every opportunity. Hehehehehehe! Please welcome Some Random."

*Girl busts through a nearby door.* She has pink eyes pink hair with purple highlights. She wears a black tank top with a skull on it and a pleated gray skirt that reaches her knees. Her feet make a metalic click when they hit the floor. Her boots are large heavy black things with three big buckles going up the body and a two metal talons hanging off the end of each boot. She has a bust size of roughly a B a slim but not anorexic waist and is roughly 5' 3'.

"She's a figment turned reality direct from australia, created in the mind of Invader Hooniemay. She likes telling people off, being rude, insulting everyone, and is known to dress up as a vigilante and kill those that piss her off."

"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE!"

"Calm down S.R. we have a llong flight to get to Canada and I don't want you murdering the pilots on the way...unless you know how to fly a plane."

"Well at least tell me where we're going you scrawny weirdo."

"We're headed for the origional island that total drama island was shot on. After the show it was bought up by a local church who turned it into a graveyard. The church sold it back to the producers for half the price they paid and we have a place to hold the new competition."

"Guess it pays to be a friggin christian huh."

"She's just cranky because she's atheist...and they didn't have her favorite soda on the plane."

"Damn moronic airline. If I want a POOP they better get me a damn POOP!"

"And it didn't make things any better when they brought back a can with poop in it."

"Why would I want shit in a can."

"Alright we have to cool it with the language if we want to be able to give it a teen rating, so enough with that."

"Well let's get going then."

"See ya on the set everyone."

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><p>*Camera switches to normal programming and chris McLean, Chef, The sikeokilla, and some random are all shwon standing on a beach covered in headstones and grave plots.*<p>

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><p>"We're coming at you live from Wawanakwa Acres. A serene little hellhole filled with the dead, the not so dead, and a couple demons."<p>

"A couple?", Some Random said in a tone that made even Chris and Chef flinch.

"Okay Okay alot. Sheesh what's with her."

The sikeokilla looked at chris "It was a LONG flight. Followed by an untimely landing." He glared at Some Random.

"That wasn't me."

"He was killed with an invader zim ink pen and his chest had the words 'Zimmy lives' carved into it."

"Alright fine it WAS me. But he said Invader Zim was stupid." She pouted.

The sikeokilla's hand touched her shoulder. "You did the right thing."

Chef's voice broke the moment of Vasquez fanship, "Can we get on with this already."

The sikeokilla steps towards the screen "Alright I've seen about how well this works before...it doesn't but I still wanna try it. So if you have a character Idea sen them to me. Review, IM, email, facebook, I don't care just make the deadline. That is next saturday. 22 corpses (yeah that's what we're calling them) need to be brought in for this new season and I plan on adding at least a couple of my own."

Some Random get's up in the screen. "Do it or I WILL find you."

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><p>AN:<p>

R&R

My face book account is under the name of Edward Willford Cainam

Get those character's in people. They don't have to be human or normal and they all have a shot at winning the mill

Hurrriedly yours

The sikeokilla


	2. The corpses begin to arrive Part 1

Total Drama Morgue: Episode 1: Here come the dead.

*Chris appears out of nowhere in front of the Wawanakwa acres sign.

"Welcome back to Total Drama Morgue. I'm your host Chris McLean. Today we're going to meet our contestants, whom we'll loving refer to as the corpses. They'll be staying on this massively haunted estate. Sleeping in coffins set up in team mausoleums. And battling each other in challenges. Not to mention having to deal with chef and his rank cooking. We also have two co-hosts bound and determined to make life here a living hell. Heh heh."

A fog rolls in out of nowhere. Two hands appear hovering over Chris' shoulders. As they roughly grab him on both sides of his green-blue shirt he yelps and leaps forward. Chris turns to stare at the perpetrators. One of the two smiled from under his black hood, the other openly giggled in a creepily psychotic manner.

"What the hell is wrong with you two? You coulda given me a heart attack!"

The boy in the baggie hoodie was the first to speak " Oh calm down Chris. He's over-reacting right S.R.?

The girl with the pigtails smiled cruelly at Chris and silently chuckled to herself.

"Hey Chris you might wanna avoid pissing her off because she's already coming up with ways to kill you in her mind."

"Uh...Thanks."

"Oh look here comes the first two corpses." The sikeokilla whispered as if to avoid S.R.'s wrath.

Suddenly out of the fog a boat rolled up to the dock. A tall skinny man was propelling the black gondola forwards with a long slender scythe. The tattered sail flapped in the non-existent wind as the boat crept onto the shore. Two figures stepped off the boat. Both were decidedly female in shape. The first had golden eyes that pierced the fog seeming to glow and dance. Long ash blonde hair fell past her shoulders, purple streaks flowing through the sea of blonde . A purple spandex dress came down to her knees and her worn black boots made imprints in the ground as the metal seemed to crush the sand. Her antennae rose above her head and curled in a jagged spiral pattern like something out of a fun house.* On her back there was a small silver covered backpack-like object with six circular spots glowing a bright purple.

The other girl in the gondola rose next to the strange alien girl. Her silver eyes raced around in their sockets frenziedly trying to escape and kill all those around it. Her raven colored hair had blood red streaks running down it like a sacrifice spilling off of an alter. Her black t-shirt had a white "Z?" on it, a long black trench fell to her ankles. A black fingerless glove covered her left palm, the lace shinning in the light. And her dull tattered black boots clomped on the dirt. The metal on the front of the boot was covered in dried gore. Her waist made it look like she hadn't eaten in days and her eyes were sunk in from sleep deprivation.

"OH MY GOD!" S.R. screamed "What are you guys doing here?" she screeched in obvious frustration.

Chris looked back and forth between the three girls. "Uh do you three know each other?"

The girl with the curly antennae was the first one to speak up "Well I'm Invader Hooniemay and these two", she gestured to the other two girls ," are creations of my twisted mind. You've already met Some Random. This is my other alter ego hooniemay the homicidal maniac."

"Hooniemay the homicidal maniac?" Chris said scratching his head in confusion. "So if they're all in your head how'd you..."

"That's a little bit complicated. See we kinda sorta did things in this place and came out seperated. S.R. took off said she was finally free from the Zim-psycho and the psycho-killer. After she took off me and HMHM got an appartment and were living quite comfortably before something happened.", She cut her eyes at HMHM

"Hey Nny never got caught in Taco Hell, how was I to know that it didn't work that way for Taco Bell."

"Hi Hooniemay, Hi HMHM."

"Hi" Invader hooniemay said, eyes coming out of they're previous slits and morphing back to their normal orbs.

"I like him he's not bothered by my quirks...or yours...or even hers.", HMHM said pointing to S.R. who was ripping the heads off of Chris bobbleheads and plush toys and sticking them to a sign that said 'Beware!' before covering it with a blanket and whispering that it was a surprise. HMHM continued, " I'm psychotic and even I think that's weird. I mean why is she beating around the bush, just whack the dumb bastard already." She was rubbing the black surgeons bag next to her. It purred with a soft clinking and scraping that only sharp metal could create.

Chris was staring at the girls with wide eyes "Okay well seeing as how at least two of these three girls has probably been arrested for murder, I'd like to request that they go stand on the other side of the dock."

"Chris S.R. is a co-host she has to stay on this side."

"Alright but you stand between the two of us just in case."

They all shrugged their shoulders before standing in the locations Chris had specified. Another creaky black gondola crept towards the dock as everyone looked on. A female with long straight opal hair stepped off the boat. Her eyes shone out from under her bangs with a green glow that could put emeralds to shame. Her curvacious body was attempting to hide under a long white robe but alas was still easily distinguishable. Her angry gaze swept from the contestants to the co-host before landing on Chris and sticking.

"Our angsting necromancer chick Savannah Snareshroud!" Chris announced gesturing with both hands to the girl who was obviously pissed off.

"Chris why does she look so angry?" Sikeokilla asked.

"Well she is quite angsty, and she can see and control the dead, Oh yeah and I might have slipped something into her coke and rum while she wasn't looking so we could get her on that boat which she rode here all the way from the U.S. of A. Don't ask me how that's possible."

"I'm going to murder you." she whispered in a deathly low tone to Chris.

"Get in line sister." S.R. said with a snort. "I already got dibs."

"Did someone say Dib?" Invader Hooniemay squealed.

S.R. gave Hooniemay the death glare while Hooniemay just stood there with a questioning look on her face.

Savannah started walking to the other end of the dock talking to S.R. over her shoulder. "Tell me as soon as it's my turn okay. I've never wanted to kill someone so much in my life."

"Next up is Jayden Gray. Shot at the age of sixteen Jayden's been hanging around for a little over two years. He planned on getting revenge on his murderer but found that he was too nice to pull the trigger. Now he's got nothing but time on his hands and only a semi-solid body to walk around in."

A teenaged boy stepped onto the dock. His bleach blond hair dangled slightly in front of his eyes. His eyes were turning from a shade of blue to a shade of red as he came out of a stoop and his hands clenched and shot to his sides. He stood rigidly in a red and white striped convenience store uniform with jeans and a green shirt underneath giving Chris a death glare. "That was a horrible introduction. You made me sound like a wankin softy." His voice drifted out of his mouth as if from a microphone. The voice itself was reminicent of John Lenon with a slight british accent and a musical tilt. The accent was tinted with a boyish charm that seemed to affect all the girls on the dock besides HMHM.

**Confession cam**

HoonieMay the Homicidal Maniac was standing in a church confessional. "Really, I hate people. They're like cockroaches. Except cockroaches are better, at least the don't scream when they lose they're legs. So really I have an edge in that I won't be falling for any of these weirdos. Alliances and relationships are the downfall of alot of contestants on this show."

**Confession cam out**

"Well you kinda are dude." Chris said.

"I know." Jayden said his eyes softening up and turning a dark shade of blue as he slouched and slowly walked across the dock.

Another gondola began it's approach with a loan figure standing with one foot on the bough and his chest thrust forwards. As the boat gently bumped the dock a foot set itself firmly on the rotting wood. The teen boys jet black hair came up into a small ridge in the middle of his hairline. His small deep blue eyes cut along the line of opponents his jaw set in determination. He was dressed in a black martial arts uniform and had two tanto and a wakizashi strapped to his back. "I am Sora Shinobou, it will be an honor to crush you I'm sure."

**Confession Cam**

Sora Shinobu smiles into the camera. "Looking around at the competition I could tell that I had it made. I mean come on, I'm surrounded by a bunch of girls. The only guy here doesn't look like he can do what it takes to win. It's in the proverbial bag."

**Confession cam out**

A girl in a lavender shirt and purple hi-tops stepped onto the dock. Black skinny jeans encased her slender legs and her small hands were wrapped in black fingerless gloves. A breeze came sweeping across the lake and her gray waistcoat flew up around her. Her lavender eyes shone brilliantly compared to her fair white skin. Her raven black hair shimmered ending somewhere between her shoulders and the bow of her back. She stared around with a slight bit of unease, though she looked calm and collected. Her hand sailed up to brush a small curtain of hair out from in front of her left eye revealing a gray stone faced gargoyle head on her middle finger. As her hand dropped back to her side her shining black hair fell back in front of one of her heavily mascara covered eyes.

She spoke up, her voice just barely rising above the whistle of the wind moving through the reeds. "Hi I'm Lori Taylor. It's really nice to meet all of you."

Lori quickly moved to the other side of the dock attempting to fade into the group once she got there.

"Hi my name's Jayden.", the red and white smocked boy reached his hand out for a greeting. Lori looked up into his face to see that his eyes were a light shade of pink and a soft smile played across his lips.

Lori looked away shyly only replying with a small smile.

"Hey! Camera crew!" Chris yelled from the other side of the dock. "Wrong end of the dock. Shesh."

The sikeokilla stepped towards the edge of the dock extending his hand to the purple skinned creature that was currently stepping from a gondola. "This," he began "is Lucine Swift. Lucine is a night elf druid who ran herself through a random portal and wound up here."

Lucine's bare feet touched the dock before quickly being engulfed by the bottom of her red and black robes. Her eyes were mainly black with a golden iris in the center of each eye. Her tall body was topped with hair long that shone as black as night. A red tattoo in the shape of a leaf took up residency under her left eye and her long ears stuck out from underneath her thick hair. "Well this looks like a fun place to hang out." She intoned sarcastically.

"Ah don't sweat it there's plenty to do. And the company ain't too bad either. You could even hang out with me, the illustrious Chris McLean."

"Whatever." she said as she stalked across the dock.

"Well since I'm tired of waiting around for the rest of the competition we're gonna bring the rest all over at once to cut down on time. These shows can't be long and boring."

A long gondola rolled up out of the fog with the nineteen other corpses on it.

Chris looked at his watch "Shoot we don't have time to introduce the rest of them this episode. But dont' you viewers worry we'll be introducing them very soon."

"Thursday most likely. Friday tops."

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><p>AN: sorry about the wait. And about cutting the episode short. Don't worry I'll get it done real quick for ya.


	3. We finish introducing corpses

Chris comes on the screen.

"Sorry for the delay we've had technical difficulties," Chris explained glaring at a certain hooded author. All that he recieved in responce was a snore. Chris shook his head and continued speaking. "Well we've finally finished getting everyone off the ship as you can plainly see." Chris motions with his hands to the other side of the dock. The camera swings around to reveal all twenty-five corpses standing on the dock looking a little tired.

"Well since we don't really know all of them that well, we're going to send the campers we've already introduced on back to the southeast graveyard. And introduce the rest with an excercise used in american leadership classes." Some Random anounced.

"Southeast graveyard?" Lucine questioned her blue ears perking up at the peculiar phrase.

"Yeah this islands been divided up pretty good. The southeast graveyard is the most recent addition. It's filled with green blooded graves. Go stand around and pray that you soak up some of their luck."

Jayden gave Chris a rather questioning look. "How lucky can they be if they're dead?" he inquired as his red and white striped smock flapped a bit in the breeze.

"Luckier than you'll be tonight if you don't stop asking stupid questions." S.R. growled.

At this statement the seven previously introduced corpses bolted for the southeast graveyard.

S.R. stomped over to stand in front of the sikeokilla. She glared down at the sleeping boy before swiftly kicking him in the leg. "Wake the hell up."

"OFFICER IT'S NOT EVEN MY CAR!" the lad screamed as he sprang up from the ground before quickly having his legs swept out from under him by S.R..

"Stop being so stupid."

"Geez what's eating you." The sikeokilla questioned. "You're even more grumpy than usual. Oh my god! You didn't try to eat Chef's cooking did you?" the hooded teen cried out in horror.

S.R.'s mouth fell open "Do I look stupid to you? I don't go near the crud I saw one of his sandwiches crawl out the door. That's just not right."

"So what's the problem?"

"I don't know. It could be that I'm not sleeping well combined with the fact that I'm coping with being my own person. Going from a third to a whole is a tough transition ya know."

"Don't worry everything's going to turn out just fine. Hell your S.R. you're the grittiest chick I know. More like a bro than a bra and you sure as hell aren't gonna lose to yourself."

"You're right I'm a badass nothing can touch me. I'm gonna kick this problem's ass and be ready to terrorize the campers by noon. Thanks for the confidence booster."

"No problem."

Chris scowled at the two. "People we're trying to shoot a show here come on."

"Alright chris don't get your panties in a bunch. Let's have all of you get in a circle. We'll go around and introduce each and every one of you individually. Let's start with you." The sikeokilla pointed to a girl with a high silver ponytail that trailed down to her mid-back. She wore a blue turtleneck Tee and a white vest. Her legs were encased by a white pair of pants and her feet surrounded by white converse with blue laces. The pale slender girl stared at the co-host with blueish-gray eyes. "What do I say?"

"Just tell us your name, something strange about yourself, and something you like to do."

"Alright well I'm Peter Clarkson, my mothers a bit of a feminist, and I enjoy having the fact that I'm intelligent proven with my test scores." The girl said all of this without much emotion at all.

Confession Cam

The sikeokilla waves his hand in front of his nose. "God it still smells of Owen in here. Anyways Peter's gonna be a tough contendor. She's really good at just about anything she's ever done plus she rarely ever dispays any emotion. However her lack of emotions is a double-edged sword seeing as how she might not make friends very easily and thus will be scarce on allies."

Confession Cam Out

"Next! Come on we're wasting time!" Chris yelled.

The next girl in the circle had an easy going smile on her face. The smile seemed to immatate that of the fox on the right shoulder of her orange shirt. The smile seemed to promise that any fun you had with her could possibly get you arrested. Her tan skin was blocked from view by her camo cargo shorts and her black combats. Her long fair blonde hair was drawn up in a ponytail and her green eyes seemed to dance with mirth. A thin black dragon wound it's way around her right arm.

"I'm Tara Flanagan. Something weird about me is that my tattoo is also my pet, a shadow dragon from a nether world. Oh I also enjoy having fun wether the cops think it's legal or not."

The next girl was fairly tan and her wavy black hair reached her mid-back, her yellow wyes peeked out from behind her bangs. She wore a long blue t-shirt, blue denim short-shorts, a black sweater-hoodie, and gray vans. One of her black gloved hands came up to brush the hair out of her face.

"Hi I'm May Deers, I'm a one-hundred and sixty year old half water nymph. The other half in ghost which is why I'm suspended at the age of sixteen. I enjoy listening to people talk and creating philisophical phrases of my own."

The next girl stepped forward. Her slanted brown eyes scanned the crowd looking much like two tiger's eye gems. Her thick straight blonde hair came to her shoulders and her hollow cheeks gave way to full lips. She was quite lean and appeared to be two inches shorter than the rest of the girls.

"I'm Scarlett Rizzo and I'm a vampire. I enjoy the hunt for blood."

The next two corpses stood up together. The boy had bronze hair and blue eyes whilst the girl had thin red hair with loose curls and turqoise eyes.

"I'm Cameren Miracle, I have the power of hypnotism. My favorite past time is women."

Chris nodded, " I hear you bro." he said, earning him glares from all of the female contestants.

"Well I'm Natalie Miracle, I can become invisible. I like just about anything that can give you an adrenalin rush."

The next to step up was a female alien. She was deathly pale with one eye blue and the other one green. Her hair was currently died in streaks of green purple and blonde.

"Hi I'm Larezarahiel Satnaluhiel, but you can call me Stella Warheart. I'm from a planet in the Dungarth galaxy. And I enjoy making new friends."

Confession Cam

Stella Warheart appears staring at the ground looking guilty."I feel bad not telling everyone but the truth is I have a third eye that can read people's true thoughts. I may not be from earth but even I know better than to reveal my best advantage on the first day."

Confession Cam Out

A boy with pale caucasian skin and green eyes stepped forward. As he did so his shaggy dark brown moptop swung back and forth like a set of swings in the breeze. He was wearing a white T-shirt with an upside down smiley face on it. His slightly baggy jeans covered all but the base of his black converse. His dark green jacket was covered in pins and buttons, from military badges to snarky hot topic buttons and his red and blue lensed 3d glasses were currently propped up on top of his was staring at the camera with a smile.

"Hi I'm Jason Cooper and I guess my weird thing is that I have a photographic memory for movies. I love to watch movies. My favorite ones are the psychological thrillers, because blood and guts just aren't freakin scary. Don't get me wrong the effects are almost always interesting and worth the watch. But movies have lost depth in recent years. For instance have you seen the Friday the thirteenth remake. To much blood and not nearly enough plot..."

Chris stopped him right there, "Okay Okay we get it please shut up. Sheesh."The next young lad stepped in front of the camera holding a skull on bent knee. His spiky platinum colored hair and his light blue eyes. He wore a lime green t-shirt with 'x-press yourself' printed in white. His denim shorts gave way to red hi-tops.

"I am the great dramatician known as Jackson Jones. I am strange because I am chivalrous. I enjoy many acting activities from a full play to a game of vampire the masquerade. Roles are simple to portray and often do I find myself in one. So often now that I can scarce remember a day that I wasn't in one."

The next two guys were up. The two were identical twins. Their slender bodies seemed to suggest that they were swimmers. Their orange hair came up in individual spikes. Their eyes seemed to laugh at some private joke.

"I'm Hifuta."

"And I'm Fuhito."

"Or is that I?"

"Can you tell the difference."

"We have a link in our minds."

"It helps us stay connected."

"As we once were."

"In our mother's womb."

"We enjoy swimming and metal music."

"We also enjoy beautiful women."

"We are quite happy to be surrounded by them."

Chris frowned, " Come on guys we still have seven more people to go. And we're running short on film for this episode."

A boy stepped up to the camera wearing a shirt which depicted a staked vampire that said vampires suck. His black leather trench coat came to his ankles. His green hair came up in a faux hawk and his blood red eyes kept swooping over the group.

"I'm Degnarad Lasunu, I'm a paranormal investigator. This is my natural hair color. I enjoy listening to cage the elephant and searching for traces of the paranormal." He narrowed his eyes at Scarlet Rizzo. "Blood sucking monster." he muttered.

The next to step up was a girl with purple hair that fell to just above her neck. Her amber eyes swept the crowd as the boy before hers had done. However instead of being a fevered sweep her's was long and slow with only indifference displayed. She wore a black hoodie and baggy jeans that ended with her black steel toed combats.

"I'm Angel Lasunu. I am nothing like my crazy brother. I have an alien for a boyfriend and could easily crush someone skull with my moshing boots. My favorite past time is teaching morons a lesson."

The next to step up was a male figure. He wore a black ski cap and black tinted ski goggles. A black bandana depicting the mouth and jaw of jack skellington covered the rest of his face. He wore a black t-shirt with a black and white image of Jhonny the homicidal maniac on it. He wore a military flak jacket over it. Baggy dark green pants bunched up on top of his black combats.

"I'm Jake Manse and I'm a Krik. My favorite past time is reading Johnny the Homicidal Maniac comics and partying so hard that I forget where I am. Angel's my girlfriend and Deg's annoying."

"Take off the coverings and show them what you really look like!" Deg screamed.

"Only your sister will ever see any part of me uncovered." Jake replied calmly. Deg stared at him in horror. Jake gave him a look. "Hey give me some credit we've never done anything beyond lip locking and hand holding. Besides we enjoy having an innocent relationship. Emphasis on innocent."

"Whatever." Deg mumbled.

The next two up to the camera both had red hair and green eyes but that's where the resemblance stopped. The skinnier of the two wore glasses and had on a 'science rocks' t-shirt. The other was leanly muscled and wore a 'boobs rock' t-shirt and gag glasses with a fake mustache and nose.

"We're the O'maley brothers." The more muscle bound boy stated. "I'm the funny one an he's the one with a yolk in his noggin. Me names Rapply. I enjoy a good fight. An I'm here because I ave a might bit of a problem with the drink."

"I'm Greg and I collect and seperate ant farms. Sometimes I'll have two kingdoms collide just to observe the course that both sides use to protect their individual colonies. I enjoy listening to classical metal music. Unlike my brother I've gone to alot of trouble to mask my Irish accent...I also don't come home piss drunk all the time and nail random skanks on the living room couch and get caught doing so by our parents every morning."

The brothers glared at each other for a while before the camera came to rest on the last three contestants. The first to step forward was a girl with a boyish hairstyle who wore baggy green cargos and a t-shirt that said 'Sports, Games, and booze what more could you ask for.' She wore no makeup but had a plain silver nose stud in her left nostril. Her brown combats were obviously worn from years of ware and tear

"I'm Marie Gretmiley. I'm a bit of a tomboy. I enjoy playing video games and watching ants crawl around in the dirt. Oh yeah and I like playing with my trusty lighter Betsy." The girl pulled out a camoflage lighter from her pocket. "This old girl used to light my great great grandfathers cigars when he was serving in world war II. It's been passed down from man to man in my family for three generations. But my brother's much less manly than my father had hoped for so he gave it to me. So I inherited Great Grandpa's lighter Betsy and his old combats."

The next girl stepped up in her black tank top. Her legs were covered by black skinny jeans. Her feet were protected by thick black combat boots each having a white skull painted on the toe. Her eyes burned with purple energy and her long brown hair came to rest on her shoulders.

"I'm Kiki Gramyalts and I'm a necromancer. I enjoy listening to music that I can bang my head to."

The last person was undefineable gender wise. They wore a black cape and a gasmask with a black tinted lens. A hoodie engulfed and hid the back of their head. A pair of baggy jeans that were twice as long as they should have been to fit this average sized person. All of the baggy clothes and the fact that their face was covered made it impossible to discern anyhting about the person themselves.

When they spoke a device blurred their speach so that no one could tell what the origional voice sounded like. "Hello I am Anonymous and I am quite secretive in case anyone hasn't noticed. I'm strange, period. I enjoy all kinds of things and can gel with just about any kind of person."

Chris came forward, "Alright now that all of the contestants are introduced we'll end the episode. The first challenge will be defeating the nearby estate known far and wide to be haunted. A manison in the middle of a cemetary. Graystaff Manor. Tune in next time to find out. We'll be waiting right here on Total Drama Morgue."

A.N./ Sorry for the long wait I couldn't think of how to do this right. I hope you enjoy and I promise without a doubt that the next episode will be up by monday of next week. And there will be a new episode every monday. This might get a little quicker towards the end when I have fewer contestants.  
>Until next time I'm The Sikeokilla<p>

Grateful that you're still reading

The sikeokilla

EWC


	4. Graystaff Manor

Camera Zooms in on a mausoleum. Inside there lie four large glossy coffins. The closest of them pops open and out steps Chris. "Welcome to Total Drama Morgue. I'm your host Chris McLean." He pulled out a bullhorn and an air horn. "And my fellow hosts need a wake up call." He chuckled mischeviously.

He crept up to the coffin on the end and was poised to start wailing on the air horn's button when the other two coffins sprang open. Chef and the sikeokilla appeared behind Chris causing him to turn and face them.

"Chris man what are you thinking. Wakin up Ms. grumpy psycho with an ear blast is a good way to lose a limb." Chef whispered in alarm.

"Dude if you think she's been cranky and mean in the daytime you should see what she's like in the early mornings...when rudely awakened. Twenty five of us went into that bed room and only I came out and she only let me out because we're friends. Even then she severley beat me. she hates your ass man. Think this through."

Chris grinned wailed on the air horn threw it to Chef and ran out the door. It was deathly quiet in the mausoleum as Chef and the Sikeokilla just stared at Some Random's coffin. Suddenly it burst open and a black robed figure rose standing in the middle. Covering the figure's face was a baseball glove that was missing the thumb and pinky fingers. The make-shift mask had two eyeholes cut into it and was painted white. The figure's gloved hand grabbed the mask and thrust it up over her head, revealing a scowling teenaged girl and her brightly turquoise and pink colored hair. She held a black steel handled scythe with a two foot curved blade welded into place on top. She growled as she spoke. "Who woke me up?"

Chef and the Sikeokilla stared at each other before turning back towards Some Random. "Chris." they both quickly said.

"Well Chris is too far by now to catch up. And this early in the morning I don't wanna deal with trying to hurt Chef. So in order to vent my anger I'm gonna take it out on the Sikeokilla."

Chef bolted out the door still wearing only his boxers before the camera pans away towards the Corpses mausoleum. Chris is standing outside of the Mausoleum with his bull horn. rubbing his hands together. "The first time is always the funniest. This is gonna be awesome. Chris stepped inside the mausoleum to find that not everyone was asleep.

Stella Warheart was looking over a manga with Lucine Swift and Peter clarkson was trying to tidy up the area around her coffin.

Chris stepped through the doorway and inhaled a deep breath. "GOOD MORNING CORPSES!" Chris yelled into the bullhorn. Clear thumping was going on inside most of the coffins. One even fell over revealing Jake Manse clutching an empty glass bottle. His red skin shone in the light as small amounts of sweat gleamed off his lean muscles. His black hair shot up off of his head like the spray of dirt from a bullet.

"What is tha..." Chris began.

Jake put his hands over his ears as he pulled a pair of sunglasses on. "SSSSSShhhhhhhhhhhh." Jake hissed clutching his head before whispering the word coffee.

"Dude is that a demon on the floor? Chris you didn't say they were inhabiting this mausoleum!" Rapply exclaimed in a clearly startled state. Rapply's red hair lay flat on his head as he struggled to pull on a pair of pants while simultaneously trying to make a run for the door.

"Do you have to be so loud man." Jake whispered as he pulled on his black ski cap and Jack Skellington bandanna. He slipped his orange tinted goggles up over the sunglasses that already took up residence there.

"Settle down Rapply." Stella Warheart said putting down the manga to speak to the troubled Irishlad. "He's a Krik, one of the last surviving royal family members. In fact he's the only Krik I've ever seen that didn't have horns or a tail, which is probably why there's a fake prince in line for the throne."

Angel stared at her "How did you..."

"Know? Well it's common knowledge that the Krik are prideful. The current 'prince in line for the throne has no interestingly shaped birthmark, which everyone knows that all Krik royalty have. You're boyfriend here has a small crosshair shaped birthmark on the right corner of his forehead and no horns or tail. It was a clear cut issue."

"Oh the begotten son. Woe is he that rightfully deserves a spot at the table but is shunned for lack of physical development." Jakson cried as he fell to his kneesin his orange boxer shorts with his hands raised over the blue singlet that hung from his shoulders. "Oh, the morality." His pale blue eyes sparkled as his platinum hair settled down

Cameron Miracle strode over to Jackson Jones in his plaid pajamas with the top unbuttoned. He leaned down and grabbed Jackson by the shoulders and pulled him up by the arms. His bronze hair partially covered one eye as he spoke. "Dude after everyone get's dressed we need to have a serious talk."

"Oh good sir I pray that you bear no ill will to my behavior. Although if you do I will be perfectly willing to help in whatever way I can."

Confession Cam

Cameron miracle fixes the camera with a sad smile on his face. "I've never seen anyone that pathetic. He's got to learn how to act more manly or he'll never get any chicks. And even though it sounds like a pitch to form an alliance it isn't. I just think that he can learn to attract those gorgeous female contestants. He's definitely got the potential."

Confession Cam Out

May Deers stood in a long blue shirt that reached her knees as she stared at the whole spectacle. Jayden Gray floated up eyes set in a deep blue still wearing his uniform. "That's really quite sad." he sighed, " He never even got to know his parents."

"Look closer and you'll notice that he seems to be unnaffected by all of this. I'm sure he's had enough time to ponder the situation himself and no longer needs to think about it. Besides that he clearly never grew attatched to his paternal parents and they were perfectly willing to give him up for a physical flaw. I'd say he's better for the experience wouldn't you?"

Everyone went about getting dressed, but Jackson and Cameron were the first to finish and Cameron drug Jackson out to a secluded spot. "Look man I understand that you have this artistic style of flair to you and that's cool. But you aren't going to get a lot of girls like that."

"Good sir it is quite more important to be chivalrous than to be entangled in a web of unsatisfaction for having rushed forward with little thought."

"Look dude chivalry may not be quite dead but I can garantee you that girls won't go for just any chivalrous person. You have to be tough to or else they'll think you're a danddy boy. Now I'm willing to teach you to be more manly but that means you have to follow my lead. That means that when I go for a girl you take my approach and give it your own little twist and follow suit. Got it?"

"Well I suppose I could use a few lessons when it comes to charming the lovely maidens that currently surround us. I accept and I thank you for your gracious offer."

"Alright rule number one of picking up women, don't act too eager. Let them know that you're single and interested but don't spend all of your time courting the same girl. That being said jealousy can work against you so once you've picked a mark don't chase another."

"Hold on a second my good man don't you have the power of hypnotism?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So don't you have an unfair advantage?"

"Well yeah dude, but I don't use it unless all of my other approaches fail. I enjoy the thrill of the hunt."

"You are a rather sickly individual intelectually, aren't you."

"I'm a professional in this particular field my man, trust me."

-TDM-

"Well now that we're all here it's time ta split ya up."Chris said beaming ear to ear. "Here's the catch, each team will be asigned their own host."

Greg O'Maley stared with a cautiously quizical expression on his small face before inquiring, "So if we lost would they get a vote in the elimination ceremony?"

"No, but don't worry about winning too much. See today's challenge is reward based."

"Alright!" Rapply fist pumped.

"Don't get too eager," Chris said grinning with sick glee. " See we'll still be saying buh-bye to two contestants today. After being seperated into three teams the two teams with extra corpses will be forced to eliminate one contestant apiece. Heh heh. So without further discussion I'll tell you the teams. Jackson, Savannah, Cameron, Sora, Peter, HTHM, Angel, Rapply, and Kiki. From now on you'll be known as the Ghastly Ghouls. I'll be your host."

A groan came from the recently moniquered Ghouls at the thought of Chris being their host. "Oh quit your belly achin ya big babies." Chef ordered as he walked up behind the unpicked corpses. "Now then, the following corpses are on the Mighty Magots team. Jason, Scarlet, Jayden, Lucine, Tara, Hifuta, Degnarad, Greg, and Ann. You'll be under my hosting. I hope you enjoyed sleeping in this morning cause I'll have you on a rigourous training course for two of the three days you get off between challenges."

Hifuta stared at the ex army cook. "Who is Ann?"

At this Jackson also chimed in "Yes good chef pray tell who this mystery woman is."

A sigh was heard from the other side of the group as anonymous came forward. "I told you to read it all as one word Chef." The frustrated girl exclaimed as the voice modification part of her suit was ripped away and crushed in her clenched fist.

"What's the big deal it's not like I gave them your life story."

"Whatever." She screamed in exasperation.

Confession Cam

Ann O. Nymous stands in front of the camera with her arms crossed and even though her suit's still on you can tell she's scowling. "Noone knows who anyone else is in this competition. We're all complete strangers so it's easy to reinvent yourself. The more you hide about yourself the better your advantage. Now that everyone knows I'm a girl I've lost a very big part of that advantage."

Confession Cam Out

Confession Cam

Marie stares at the screen with her mouth hanging open. "I thought that was a hot guy. I've already had fantasies about what's under all that armour. Oh my god I think I'm gonna be sick."

Confession Cam Out

Confession Cam

Greg stares at the screen with an extremely straight face. "Everyone else was really surprised but not me. Given her stature and the fact that she took smaller steps than the rest of the male population on the island I quickly determined that she was female. She holds a good deal of advantage by hiding her features and giving little information about her abilities. She's definitley one to watch."

Confession Cam out

Chris smiled at the un-selected contestants. "Alright now that that little bit of drama's out of the way. The sikeokilla will be your host and you will be known as the Riotous Reapers. Just in case you've forgotten who you are I'll read the list off to you. May, Natalie, Stella, Lori, Invader HoonieMay, Fuhito, Jake, and Marie you're all reapers now, congrats."

"Where's our host?" Lori asked just barely loud enough for Chris to hear.

Chris looked to Chef for the answer. The fry cook turned away from the questioning gaze, which was all the answer that the black haired narcasisst needed. "He'll be at the manor when you get there. Other than that I can't say."

-TDM-

The corpses had been given until sunset to prepare for the coming event. The sun fell beneath the horizon as the light from the waxing gibbous moon shone like a pale blue spot light. The contestants were met by the hosts and then led through the forest to a three story gothic mansion complete with gargoyles and spires.

Each group approached their respective entrances. The Ghastly Ghouls were to enter through the front, the Mighty Maggots were to bust in through the rear, and the Riotous Reapers were to come in through an underground tunnel to the basement

"This is Graystaff Manor." Chris began as he spoke to the Ghouls. "It is a 9,000 square foot mansion built to mesh with a fence that encompasses a family cemetary. Your job is to survive. This mansion is about as close to a real life horror movie set as you can get without setting it up. Suits of armour, cobwebs galore, and an entire team of killers. This should be interesting."

Kiki raised her hand, "Chris which team has the role of murderers?"

"We've decided it's more fun for you not to know. This is gonna be _awe_some. However we understand that no horror story is complete without weapons that can help possible survivors to elimanate one another."

Chris directed the team to a table with small pistol-like paintball guns. Each gun had only one red paintball and each one of those paintballs was chambered."

HTHM turned the weapon over and over in her hands staring at it from all kinds of angles. "This gun doesn't have a safety."

"No, no it doesn't"

"Couldn't I just have a knife?"

"Well it's not how we normally do things but you're an actual psychotic killer and giving you a knife is bound to cause some chaos, which the audience loves. So here you go."

Chris handed HTHM a paintbrush covered in red paint. "The irony." she muttered as the team stood waiting for the challenge to begin.

Around back the Magots were being prepped by Chef. "Alright Maggots, today you will be tested. You have your weapons and you have your orders. I wish you luck and at this point I'd like to remind you that you are NOT the wolves in this situation. You are the sheep and if you do not watch yourselves you WILL be sheared until you bleed."

The group just stared at Chef with their mouths open. They would remain in this state of shock until the beggining of the challenge.

Meanwhile in the tunnel the Reapers were staring at the Sikeokilla.

"Why are you all staring at me?"

Stella stared at him incredulously. "You're our host."

"Seriously, when the hell did that happen?"

"Chris told us while you were absent."

The hooded host grabbed the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. "Ugh why'd you have to remind me of that horrible three hours? Great now I'm gonna have to start putting a lock on the inside of my coffin just to put my mind at ease."

Jake reached out with a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag"Whatever it is it's probably not something that can't be made better by a little nip."

"I appreciate the effort but I have to confiscate that and you won't be getting it back. Off the record though I'll be taking this along with a couple other bottles to a campfire about midnight."

"I'll bring the snacks."

"Well you guys are the lucky ones in this challenge. You're the psychotic killers who lurk in this haunted house just waiting to spring up and stab someone. You'll all get ten paintballs, one paintball gun and a paintbrush that will act as a knife. Your targets have one paintball each. Chris said that would create more drama...moron. Anyway I'd suggest that you lay low, take aim when you have a shot, and get them riled up enough to turn on each other. Hide in plain sight if you have to but you get a head start to find hiding places so I suggest you use it."

The reapers continued into the basement. Fuhito decided to hide out in the cellar. Marie climbed up onto the large layered chandelier in the dining hall to get a good shooting position. Stella and Natalie decided to hide out in one of the upstairs guest rooms. Jake, May, Lori, and Invader Hooniemay all decided to pose as victims instead of killers.

Minutes later the other contestants were all let in. Peter suggested that the Ghouls all stick together.

"Peter has a good point." May Deers mused.

Cameron flinched when Peter's name was mentioned. Peter glared at him. "Do you have a problem with that plan?"

"No no absolutely not, great plan. But can I call you something else."

"What do you mean?" she was now giving him a death glare clearly telling him to watch himself. He ignored this message.

"I just mean that I've been with a lot of women and none of them had such a masculine name. Couldn't we call you something else?"

"Ugh well I never..."

While the Ghouls were still standing in the entryway dealing with their drama the Magots were making a well thought out plan.

Ann was the obvious strategist in this particular plan. She pulled out a rough sketch of the building. Her tinted lenses gleamed in the light with an efficent and malicous edge. "Alright there are three floors to the building. The main floor has few rooms but their all rather large. The second floor has the most rooms and the smallest hallways. But the rooms are all small so be prepared to go hand to hand. Remember out cold is the same as out of the competition. The basement is devided into two whineries, grape and apple. Jason, Jayden, Tara, and Greg, you're all on upstairs patrol. Work in twos, bust in, sweep the room, and move on. Scarlett and Hifuta cover the basement. Watch the shadows and keep your wits about you. Last but not least, Deg and I will cover the main floor. Let's go."

Hifuta and Scarlett came through the basement.

"What's it like being a vampire?"

"It sucks now shut up."

"Ha blood humor very interesting."

"SHUT IT!"

"Look my brother's down here and he's alone. Piece of cake."

"How do you know?"

"Mind link."

Suddenly a paintbrush drug itself across Hifuta's neck and a paintball buried itself in Scarlett's skull.

"Ouch that damn thing hurt."

Fuhito appeared in front of them. "Brother dearest you should have remembered that I have an advantage being the first one here."

"I told you to shut the fuck up but no. You have a mind link."

"On the bright side we get to watch the rest of the challenge."

Above the argument Ann and Deg were entering the dining hall. Deg slid slowly around the corner and into the hall. Years of tracking and hunting the supernatural had honed his ability to stalk stealthily around. His keen eyes caught a glint and he shoved a waiting Ann back flat against the wall of the corner.

"What the hell do you think you're...?"

"Sssssssssshhhhhhhhhhh." Degnarad hissed. "I caught a small flash of light off of that chandelier."

"So what that's what chandeliers do."

"Not when the moons beam falls the other way and the powers out. Not to mention the fact that the crud covering those bulbs would snuff out any light even if the power was working." Deg pulled out a small compass and flipped it open. On the opposite side of the red and white spinning dial was a mirror. He positioned it at just the right angle to gain an outline. He calculated the angle and trajectory of the shot he was about to take. Taking into account the speed he'd be moving whirling around that corner. He pulled off his trench coat and hurled it into the open. Instantly there was paint fire but that's not what Deg was focused on. He'd already come around the corner he was focused on the shooter. His paintball hurled itself into the waiting face of Marie.

As Ann and Deg were continuing forward the Ghastly Ghouls (who had finally stopped arguing) came around the corner both groups met each others gaze and guns were leveled. Eight barrels were staring the two teammates in the face. With only two guns and only one bullet between them they knew that if the other group were the killers that the challenge may as well be over for them. Gunfire suddenly echoed through the halls and the Reapers turned to investigate. The two Maggots took the oportunity and began running from the distracted Reapers. The only Reaper not turned around took after them paintbrush at the ready. She leaped over the fleeing Maggots and dropped to a crouch. Her red highlights flared around her head in an unholy halo. She sprang forward with all the prowess of a panther. Her boots came to blows with Deg's chest and a red line appeared on his throat. Back flipping off his chest she landed upright in front of the only remaining prey. The girl ran straight into her the psycho's waiting figure. Ann was thrown to the ground and HTHM landed over her, both legs bent at 90 degrees. She leaned lower and whispered "One less cockroach to deal with." before slipping the paint across the latex neck cover of the gas mask.

The rest of the Ghouls stood in silence staring at HTHM, stunned by the level of precision. "So where are we off to next?" HTHM asked.

This question seemed to snap the others out of their silent state.

"Right we need to plan our next move..." Peter began.

"No more planning, that's what got us stuck in the main entrance for the worse part of an hour."

"Don't you mean better?" Cameron chimed in.

"That would impy that the time we spent there was good...which it wasn't."

"Any time spent with me is a good time."

"Cute. If you ever try and use a lame line like that on me again I will personally blow your mind all over a wall. Not figuratively mind you but not with a normal gun either."

"Too messy?" Kiki questioned.

"Naw just too overused maybe a harpoon gun through the forehead."

"Have you thought about using a flaregun?"

"I've played with the idea but the problem is it never makes a hole through which to enter."

"Well since you're already killing the person the ethics book can go right out the window. Just strap them to a chair and drill the hole out yourself."

"Man now I can't wait to try that out. How come you know so much anyhow?"

"Being a necromancer means talking to spirits AND raising their bodies. You see alot of weird stuff. This one time I raised a body and it came up with another one attached to it. Not like sewn on I mean this girl's body came out of the ground and clenched in her butt cheeks was a guy's *censored* and right behind it was the rest of him. I lost my lunch AND my breakfast. Sometimes I'll be in a cemetery and I'll come across a necrophilliac. Just for laughs I raise the person that their getting it on with. The look on their faces is so priceless I've started bringing a camera."

Jake, May, Lori, and Invader Hooniemay came around a corner and once again guns were leveled. This time however the people in front of them did not draw their weapons. "Are you guys trying to avoid the killers too?" Hooniemay asked.

HTHM looked at the rest of her group. "I can beleive that she's not one of the killers. She just doesn't have that killer's spark in her. Besides she's not in the same group as those other two we took out. You four stick close to us."

While the Ghouls were all downstairs talking things out. Upstairs Stella and Natalie were both trying not to nod off...and failing miserably. While outside the door of the bedroom they were hiding in Jason was talking Jaygen's ear off about some obscure russian film from the 80's. Hhe was too polite to brush him off but Greg and Tara were getting sick of it. At the same time they both turned around and told Jason to shut up. Both were surprised by the amount of sync that their voices seemed to be holding.

"You too!" they both hissed at one another. This continues eacn trying to through the other off. "What happens when you let a genie out of it's bottle? The square root of nine is 14? Squirrels are my friends. How do you make a taco out of a waffle?" After this last one they both seemed to give up before both muttering jinx. Suddenly there was a creak from the room that Stella and Natalie were holed down in.

Tara' ear pressed to the door. A thump came as Natalie fell asleep and hit the floor. Tara burst through the door and leveled her paintball gun at the two with a half cocked smile pasted to her face. Greg's gun barrel popped over her shoulder. Both triggers were squeezed within a second and both girls were effectively out of the game. Not that they could be awakened to be told so. Greg crept towards the girls. Tara gave him a look. "What are you doing?"

"To the victor go the spoils." Was all he replied.

"Oh that is so gross."

His eyes widened at this, "No, no, it's not what you think... I mean I'm not that kind of guy."

"Sure."

"Look I just figured it would be better to have some more ammo on us when the time comes to shoot at someone again."

"Alright but make it quick."

On the main level Fuhito had caught up with the rest of the Reapers. As they were passing back through the main entryway the remainder of the Maggots came down the stairs. Sights were set on opposite groups. Realizing that they outnumbered the last of the "killers" all of the Ghouls fired. As the last paintball splattered and all four of the ghouls were wiped out. The reapers saw their chance. They each began firing their accuracy was perfect and within seconds there was only HTHM left Hooniemay put the muzzle of her gun to her infamous personality's head.

"Who's the victim now." was the only taunt she flung as she squeezed the trigger.

"The winner of tonight's challenge is the Riotous Reapers. Gouls and Maggots, you played hard but it just wasn't in the cards tonight. Chef and I will be waiting for you at the satanic sacrificial alter wer both teams will be choosing someone to dispose of in order to continue."

That night the Reapers and their host were having a kicking party with a roaring bonfire. The other teams were more somber. The fire at their function came from small eerie candles. Not one smile lay upon their faces, except Chris and Chefs' smiles of course. The votes had already been cast. And the hosts were listing off names. "Corpses tonight you will each be recieving a small coffin. These coffins represent your stay here on the gravegrounds. If you do not recieve a coffin that means you're out of the contest and you can't come back...ever."

Angel faked a sneeze then raised her hand. "I'm sorry I'm allergic to bullshit."

That started Jason up. "OO I loved that movie especially the part were the robot realizes that it's his destiny to rise up and become leader of the machines. Although I often wondered if that movie could be an inadvertant tie in to the terminator series."

"SHUT UP!" everyone but Lori and Jayden yelled.

"Chef you start."

"My pleasure Chris. Jason."

"Jackson."

"Scarlett."

"Savannah."

"Jayden."

"Cameron."

"Lucine."

"Sora."

"Tara."

"Peter."

"Degnarad."

"Hooniemay the Homicidal Maniac."

"Greg."

"Angel."

"Corpses, these are the last two coffins."

As dramatic music plays in the background before the camera swapped between Chris, Chef, and the four corpses.

An unexpected noise of pleasure rose from the already safe corpses everyone turned to see Cameron eating the contents of his coffin, a small human shaped piece of jerky. Chris's look of anger made him silent. Chris sighed. "Well thanks to someone ruining the moment my concience won't allow me to continue dragging out this moment."

Greg frowned, "You don't have a concience."

"Let me rephrase that. I don't feel like it. Kiki and Ann, you're both safe... for now."

"Rapply, I suppose the fact that you offended a guy with red skin might have been a factor in you geeting kicked off. It might also have had something to do with the fact that you weren't much help even though you have a great physique. Hifuta what can I say you wouldn't shut up and out of all the groups on your team you're the only one who made a mistake. Well that's all the time we have for tonight. We'll see what else the teams can dig up. You won't want to miss that trust me. So join us next monday right here on Total...Drama...Morgue."


End file.
